Do you feel as though you deserved it? {The monster in your home.}

It is not your fault, it was not your fault, and you did not (and still don’t) deserve the abuse that was inflicted on you. You were the victim. You knew these things were happening but you lost your voice, you were scared, you disconnected from the things that were happening to you. You tried to pretend they were not happening, you tried to forget. You had nowhere to run, you had no one to talk to you. You were scared. Every part of your mind and body is sickened with what has happened yet you blame yourself. You shouldn’t blame yourself, you didn’t deserve a single thing that happened.

Attackers feed on the weak and young, they groom you into believing that they care about you, love you, will always look after you, and will always be there. Once the attacker gains the victims trust they will begin the abuse and you will begin to feel trapped as you try and grasp the reason why someone who is suppose to love you is tearing you apart. You don’t want to break such a friendship, you don’t want to lose your friend (the attacker) so you put up with it, even though it makes you feel dirty and you cry and beg for it to stop… your mind has been groomed into thinking that it’s mutual, you deserve it, you did something wrong to upset your friend… but you need to understand, your friend isn’t your friend. Your friend wants to use you, wants to pleasure himself/herself, and does not care about you. You did not do anything to deserve this, you were weak. You are not alone in not speaking up, for not fighting back, you are not alone. There are many just like you, many who question if it was their fault, if they deserved it, if they did something wrong to cause the abuse. But you didn’t do a single thing, you were innocent in all of this. The monster was the one who was touching you and harming you, the monster was the one you called a friend. This person, this person deserves to feel what you feel. To be in your skin for a day, to feel your pain

This goes back to my last post "But it was mututal…" 

Attackers will refuse to admit that they were wrong, that they were the cause of all the abuse. Attackers do not understand the physical and emotional pain and damage that comes from being hit, slapped, bruised, thrown against a wall, raped, and touched. They either think of it as mutual because it is the best way they cope or they blame you for their actions. This is where I will continue to tell others, it is NOT your fault, you are NOT to blame, you are the survivor here.

You are the one surviving, every single day. Learn to breathe, learn to speak again, learn to love yourself, listen to your heart, write your feelings down. You are not to blame, you did not deserve this. You are strong. You are a survivor, you must continue to help others in situations just like you. You are not alone, we understand your feelings too. We all felt it and we still do.

  1. speakoutbeheard posted this