The reality of rape and sexual abuse;

{ trigger warning! - this post describes our pain as victims and may bring up flashbacks. This post goes into detail about how much victims really do remember and the struggles we face every single day.

We dwell on that day more than you think. The day it happened and the years we’ve struggled with trying to "just forget about it" — we remember every single thing, every last detail of that day. We remember whether it was night time or day time, the words that were said or what wasn’t said; from the way the wind blew or the way the bed moved. We remember the way we cried and plead to make it stop, almost as if we were right back there in that moment. We remember how we struggled every inch of the way just to survive. We remember the trauma and live with the aftermath every single day. We know the struggle and we suffer the pain. We know the way it felt to be bruised internally and externally. The way we have lost our trust and will never know if we will ever fully trust again.

We know the fear that burns within us and the way we’re often judged and blamed. We ache for our hearts that are always constantly beating at a fast rate, trying to keep our composure and strength. We know what it’s like to be weak. We feel broken, we feel damaged, we feel completely hopeless. We know what it’s like to have poor body image and to harm to make the pain go away. We know because this is what has been done to us.

We know what it is like to be silenced and afraid, how it feels to hold it all inside only to burst out in tears later on. We know what it’s like to feel completely alone. The way it feels uncomfortable to just be in our own skin; to feel filthy and ashamed, guilty and blamed.

We know what it’s like to not want to be alone; the way paranoia sets in. We know it all because this has happened to us and we’re not alone.

What we ask of you is for a better understanding, to help us in rebuilding our strength, our trust, our hope to love again. We want you to understand and we need you to listen. We need your support and love. We need you to believe us. We need you to know that we’ve been hurt but we’re not broken. However, this is something that does not just simply go away and we cannot easily forget — so what we need is LOVE, SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, STRENGTH, and UNDERSTANDING because every day is a struggle for a survivor of any trauma. We need you to hug us and encourage us to break down the wall we’ve created against ourselves.

So please be the ears that listen, not the shoulder that shuns. 

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